I was talking to the good Lord this morning today about this RAIN ALL
THE FREAKIN TIME thing. I envisioned Him as most people do; an
old,wizened trickster with rosy cheeks (the model upon which Santa
Claus/St. Nicholas was molded. If Jesus was a swarthy Israeli/hot Arab
dude,God could be Dutch and able to yodel – smite me not,ye gods
against neo-colonialism – and thus,there is a fairly good chance that the
Holy Spirit is black,hence the reason you barely see the dude,hiding
from the cops etc lol jk),laughing heartily at me as I shook my fist
at the sky and He called out something completely unhelpful in my
current predicament,like “Think of the farmers!” or “Rain is a
blessing!” Ok,though honestly,the farmers thing may help. Starving
people and all.

I decided to detail all the things bothering me about these showers of
blessing,in case he feels the need to comment below.

1. On Sunday, I was wearing a pretty cotton dress, which might as well have been nylon for all the good it did me. I got home so soaked, a random stranger in the hood said “Pole kwa mvua.” I felt like a wet, bedraggled cat, and I also found out that my leather – hereby referred to as pleather – is not impermeable to water. sigh Had I NOT entered Tuskys to buy that Snickers bar…

2. I walk for about 20 minutes to get to work (but my slim figure is ABSOLUTELY natural). Now, when it’s raining, I’m going to either be sick when I get to work, or not leave for work until it stops (as I am not in possession of a car, a driver, or a rich man to provide either). When the rain does not stop, however, the world is deprived of my genius. This, is bad.

3. It is a FREAKIN KICK IN THE FACE WHEN THERE IS NO WATER RUNNING THROUGH THE TAPS IN THE HOUSE AND THERE’S BLOODY ZAMBEZI RIVER OUTSIDE. Pardon my French, Lord, but. For real, doe???!!!

4. This weather is not conducive for anything but following your commandment (be fruitful and multiply). Within the lawful boundaries of course. Of course! Sheesh.

You know, maybe you could give the rain to the people who really need it. Like the farmers and the drought-stricken, etc. I suppose that would completely defeat the point of Matthew 5:45 : “…because he makes his sun rise on both evil and good people, and he lets rain fall on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

We can’t just remove that verse, can we? No? Ok.

tSN

p.s. Also, as soon as I started writing this post, the rain stopped. I guess that was his comment. I have His ear, y’all. Halla at a girl.