The truth is, I’m scared to be someone else’s nightmare. I’ve featured in that dream before. The one where I walk into your sleep like The Sandman and crush, slowly, reassuringly, everything you ever knew to be true about how strong your heart is – it’s not. It’s fragile, and fickle, and illogical. Someone thinks […]
She said:I was standing outside the door, hoping whoever was taking so long in the bathroom wasn’t busily leaving skid marks for my viewing pleasure on the sides of the pristine toilet bowl. She came in, all lipstick and leg, French braid done up tight enough to make you think about what you could loosen. […]
She said: When he said this weekend after church, my heart sunk. I’m not the type of girl who will wear a thong to please anyone else looking at my butt other than me. I though Peter was that type of guy too – only brushes teeth when absolutely necessary (meeting in the boardroom level […]
I had just delivered a book to a pretty lady and I was driving out of the parking lot. The guard came to swipe his card to let me out and decided to make conversation. ‘So you are leaving now…thank you for visiting us.’‘Uh…welcome.’‘Will you come back?’‘Uh…if you give a reason, I guess.’ (in bad […]
You shouldn’t hit people. It’s a general rule. You are supposed to play nice and not stab them when you want to, because, thank God, the law states that assault is a crime and where you can potentially go (in Kenya, anyway) is a lot worse than the place you were in when you were […]
She said:You’re not supposed to break up with people on a sunny day. There’s a cardinal law about it, you know. If you must break up with someone, it should be raining, or at least look like it’s going to. You know the type of sky – cloudy. Slate-grey, like you can sketch a chalk […]
Someone has it in for me. You know how I know? Because someone doesn’t want me to shower. And if I don’t shower, I won’t gets ma bitches. giggity But seriously. Last year (because that’s a thing now) every time I had no water, it wasn’t because of me not paying my water bill (which […]
