You know, if all our crushes acted in real life the way they do on screen, it would be much easier to maintain the crush. For instance, I have been avoiding a couple of interviews from Black Panther. I mean sure, Black Panther aka a now tired Chadwick Boseman is the star of Black Panther, but the more I watch the movie (I’ve watched it thrice. Why? I don’t know. I can’t answer you. Take my money.) the more I feel like the actual stars of this movie are not the main character. Okoye, who seriously needs her own spinoff if we’re being honest, with Alupi and Shuri, feels like a revolution in herself. More on how I hope they don’t sanitize her sexuality later (because no one actually believed the romance between her and Get Out Guy, did they?)…

Then of course there’s Andy Serkis, who, whether he is a bad guy or a good guy, always steals the show. I wish he hadn’t SPOILER ALERT died so early. Gollum Caesar is so good at literally everything he does, even when he has his own face and accent. Oh, actually, that wasn’t even his accent. Never mind.

For me, one of the obvious stars of the movie is M’Baku.

Yum.

I mean.

Yum.

Sorry, give me time to wipe my drool. He was perfect in his character but let me tell you I don’t think I can watch anything where he’s being himself. I mean how am I supposed to take him seriously a, fully clothed and b, not going valiantly into battle or standing up for his people and their blood he’s trying to protect? What if he’s like an idiot in real life who thinks that women need to hide their breasts when they’re breastfeeding? What if he likes ribs from Spur? I can’t. I will not have it! I’m just going to avoid every interview with this fine Trinidadian man until the next Avengers/Black Panther. Can I even watch him in anything else ever? He.