ArtCaffe is one of my favourite restaurants. I have said it before and I will say it again – their pastries are pretty much incomparable, and their French toast with mascarpone cheese and strawberry jam (650 – in the featured image) is one of the most sinfully delightful things I have ever had the joy to taste. It makes spending my rent on food worth it, every time.

But lately, ArtCaffe is beginning to piss me off. And in that way that a relationship goes sour when everything – from how he chews to the size of his big toe – irritates you, it’s putting a not so pleasant taste in my mouth.

So my day today started with a (belated) Mother’s Day lunch, and of course I took her to one of my favourite haunts (as I did last year, go figure). With the change in menus, ArtCaffe no longer does ArtCaffe burgers – they do Urban Gourmet Burgers. I had the Cappuccino milkshake (350), on the recommendation of D.od  – and it did not disappoint – mostly.

I didn’t like that there were fragments of the coffee beans in my milkshake and I kept having to spit them out while my mother wondered what on earth was wrong with me.

I also had the Chicken burger, which came with far too little coleslaw and chips (950) – after I specifically asked for more coleslaw. It wasn’t an awful burger, but Sierra still does a much better, juicier one – I thought it was a little dry.

Also – and maybe this is personal preference – but who puts only 2 pickles in a burger? Why the teasing? GoLLY.

So the lunch was ok.

I wanted to come back later when I was swimming through Nairobi traffic to pass some time before I had to wade out again. The menus at ArtCaffe say they close at midnight. That’s a lie, and I take offense at being lied to. When I was at ArtCaffe at Junction the other day, we walked in at 11:15 and they said the kitchen was closed. I was like…um…so today to be sure, I checked the website. The website says ALL locations open from 7 am to midnight.

Not true.

Even if you close the kitchen at midnight, I should be able to place a last order at 11:30, no?

No.

I called the delivery line – they said they didn’t know what time ArtCaffe Yaya closes. Um…

Then I called ArtCaffe Yaya – it was 11:00. They said they were closed.

Um…

Please change your menus. And your website info. Hide your wife and your children.

How much do I hate false representation/advertising?

So much that I wrote a whole post about it.

Camaaaaaaaan, guys. Don’t become Java.