So, Snow White, fairest in the land, evil stepmother, dwarfs, poisoned apple, blablabla. You know the drill.

The best thing about this movie, the absolute best, is the soundtrack. It’s freaking fantastic. It has been a while since I heard a soundtrack and actually wanted to buy it (and to date, I still never have, lol. Does Lion King count? :o). It’s apparently by the same guy who does the Game of Thrones one. Figures, because I want to marry that opening sequence (our babies would be no handful at all. HAAA.).

Charlize Theron is the next best thing about the movie. Ai, yawa. CT is a bit foxy, man. I really do not understand what people still see in Angelina Jolie. Seriously? Seriously? Kwanza there’s a scene where she is chacking from a pool and it reminded me of that scene in Wanted, but it was like, a gazillion times better. #yeslesbo She’s really badass in this. She does evil well (seeing as she was evil in Prometheus too. Is it becoming a thing?). The spin on the manifestation her character – all of them, really, (dwarfs, huntsman, dukes, etc) including new ones, was interesting. Poking outside of the traditional box, so to speak.

While we are on the topic of foxiness (there’s something for everyone) Thor is in this movie. *sighs rapturously* And he isn’t too shabby. I mean, well, he is, since his character as the town drunk is SUPPOSED to be shabby, but..you get what I mean. (by thes, he’s married and has a kid. *siiiigh*)

Kristen whatever. Twilight chick. *sigh* I almost didn’t see this movie because of her. I am one of the few who loved the book and one of the millions who hated – sorry, abhored – the movies. I couldn’t do it. I mean, Taylor Lautner is fwyyyyyne and everything, “How!” *raises hand* (Native Indian style) but those were just HOT MESSES. Prepubescent teenagers are just going to be a whole different generation after being exposed to such toxic waste *shudders* and -get this – LIKING it. *sighs again* Regardless, the movie went on fine with – or in spite of – her and her acting – or lack thereof (depending on what you think acting is). I think I was biased by reading an interview where she was talking about the movie and just cussing a lot. *shrugs* I’m judgy.

But dude. HER? Am I REALLY supposed to believe that her strange face is fairer than Charlize Theron’s? Because…I mean…it’s not rocket science. It’s not even science. CT is finer than at least 87% of Caucasian females alive (a very conclusive and impartial study was done by the folks here at tSN), and KS is definitely in the lower percentile. IMH and statistically biased, ha, O. When CT asked the mirror who was the fairest of them all and he said Snow White, I was half expecting him to burst out laughing and say in a Will Smith voice, haha, jus playin, girl, you know you fine, and I’m free tomorow night. Like, the movie is not about inner beauty, or CT wouldn’t have been the fairest. So if it was about outer beauty…um. Ama it was for ok of face and pure of heart outdoes off the charts hotness and black heart? Because if it was just outer…enyewe fairy tales are not what everyone thinks they are (in the original Little Mermaid, she dies. BTW.).

Also…this whole schism/blending thing that everyone tries to do in movies about the blending if the mystical/worldliness and Christianity (like the Borgias and True Blood. Only…I really like True Blood lol)…I am soooo not ok with it. KS says the Lord’s Prayer and then goes off to FairyLand/Haunted Woods. I am like…no. Unless you are C.S.Lewis…no. Pick a side, bana. It’s that discomfort I feel when they play Stomp/Kuna Dawa in the club and people start grinding. *shudders again, more violently*

It cost 170 mil USD to make, and has made 248 mil USD so far.

I now wait for Spiderman.

I give it a 3. Soundtrack, though…ah, 3 and a half. I read a review where the guy said he would rather watch Immortals than this. Um…

tSN

p.s. Speaking if Will Smith, I plan to go see MIB3 but everyone says it sucks…um?
p.p.s. I’ve said um a lot in this post, neh?