I think Trainwreck was a train wreck.

And this isn’t just because they touted it as a movie from the guy who brought you Bridesmaids (which, surprise! I didn’t like either) but also because I thought it was so comedically flat. It’s like they told Amy, hey! Write a movie! And she was like, I’m funny. Why not? (which is totally how my show started, shameless plug, so her reasons are valid) But…no.

Towards the end, though, I was struggling to not like it (omg, it was so bloody long. Why?) There were 3 or 4 laugh out loud moments. Like all the sex parts were funny. And Amy Schumer herself (I am not a fan, and now I know for sure I am not a fan) has a good joke once in a while. I don’t know if they were trying too hard, or too little…I don’t know. The plot line was weak…the romance was not believable (I catch such feelings when Hollywood doesn’t even TRY to lie to me properly, a la Fast 7)…they threw in a random African just for the heck of it…snore.

Trainwreck is about a girl who is a train wreck in all matters love and alcohol (which, really, is just your average millennial, no?) and she starts to completely freak out when she starts to fall in love with someone and her life, alas, may start being (shock and horror, gasp) normal.

I liked the kid. He was cute. I liked that the love interest wasn’t someone who looks like all love interests (like the guy in 5 to 7, which I also need to review). I liked the intern (who is from Madame Bovary – which I also need to review). I liked the cameos of athletes who weren’t shit actors. But really, it was just a romance shrouded in pseudo-comedy. I wasn’t impressed. It gets a weak 5 out of 10 from me.

(Ugh. I was expecting so much. I was so excited about this movie before it came out. Ugh.)

(just a p.s. to further underline my deep disappointment. Ugh.)