I haven’t done a food post in a while because brokeness but one must always hope that other people will give you money or invite you to shit that has free food, amirite? #theFoodiePrayer

So I went to Alexandre’s last week. I have reviewed Alexandre’s before – I had a really hard-bunned sandwich (while under normal circumstances I like buns of steel these ones just were not doing it for me) and a pretty good tiramisu – every time I pass there and ogle at the rich spread of desserts all calling out my name (and I mean ALL. SLURP.), I feel I bone deep longing to give in to my sweet tooth. I looooooove me some Art Caffe pastries, but the Art Caffe at Yaya was full, and Java doesn’t do pastries, so. (ok, ok. The almond croissant isn’t bad. But I was turned off anything else on the menu when I had sausages today and the insides were still wet and pink. A wet, pink sausage. Could anything be more offensive? Remember when Java had really great legit sausages? When I was practically pre-pubescent? sigh)

So on this day we walked in and walked by the rainbow fat-inducing display to the upstairs section for a birthday treat for Lookalike, with my cousin. The menus came more or less when we sat down, from a sweet faced waitress. I really, really wanted the tart, pictured above. But it was also hot, so I wanted a milkshake and I was trying, for reasons unbeknownst to me, to control my sugar intake #noDiabetes #ImaBeAhotOldChick. So I couldn’t have a milkshake AND a tart. I chose to freeze and food envy. My cousin had the tart, and I had a mocha milkshake. Lookalike had the apple cinnamon tart.

 

Now. I like me a thick milkshake, like I like me a thick woman. So I asked the sweet faced waitress if their milkshakes were thick. She said yes.

Then she brought it.

It wasn’t thick.

In my head, I was like…did I ask for a milk or a milkshake, heifer? Because what do people understand by that adjective? Did I point to the menu article that said Chocolate Milk?

Ugh.

So I was like…um…no. Take it back.

She brought it back.

Still nah.

I gave up. If people don’t know how to make a milkshake or define a word in the dictionary, one must also move on. Also, it was Lookalike’s birthday, and much as I wanted to, I didn’t cause a scene. Here is said skinny milkshake.

 

 

It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t thick. Total bill, 1050. (the tarts were about 250 each. And the strawberry one was rich and creamy and finger-licking good. And my waist may or may not have moved a little bit after a bite. The apple cinnamon one was ok.) So, @Dod_Michaela, I am still waiting on 1, cupcakes, and 2, a milkshake better than this one (shouldn’t be too hard, nowhere to go but up) and the Cappuccino one at Art Caffe. The old Dormans’ one is still my favourite. And Java, in spite of its flaws, still makes a hell of a thick milkshake. Thickums. Snookums. Slurrrp.