Getting your period is amazing because it is like the foolproof confirmation that you’re not pregnant. Ok in most cases unless seriously you were kinda sorta meant to have this baby and got pregnant, somehow, during your period. That’s a thing, right?

Like, that one time that you had sex and then were 2 hours late in taking your pill? Nah, you swung it. When you thought he poked the condom? You’re good. When for some reason your breasts were swelling beyond normal size and you thought someone had pulled a Jane the Virgin on you and artificially inseminated you? And you thought your stomach looked marginally bigger, for sure for true for real? Nope. Just watching too many soaps. You’re cramping like a little bitch, but, when Aunty Flo comes to town, you know for an absolute fact that you are really, truly, vividly not pregnant and also, don’t wear white right now. Amen!

For someone who doesn’t even want kids, I sure dwell on them a lot. Kinda like vegans and religious folk. I guess you have to talk a lot about the things you’re trying to avoid, like fuckbois and hoteps.