As I contemplate with my eyes and my mind the brown between my thighs and the

way the sun hits your smile just right, I contemplate

my future. Our future.

That future where there is no us, just

me, without you.

My heart breaks and reforms only because it must…if I

had it my way, it would

stay broken till you came back to fix it.

If I had my way, you would

never love another

never let me go

always come back to me.

I can’t contemplate

this

without you –

what I mean to say, is,

I can

But I don’t want to. If

there is one

better than you

with less flaws

and more money

I don’t want him.

I don’t want to be a better person by being with him the way being with you has made me infinitely nobler, infinitely kinder.

I don’t want to fall in love again if it’s not

every morning with you when I

wake up and you are there, staring at the ceiling.

I don’t want to learn to make love to someone else, again

slowly

in deep night

if it is not to you.

I wanted you to be my

First

and my last

and my forever, and

my heart breaks

and reforms

only because life is rude

and it insists on going on, and I

cannot live with a

broken heart, barely beating, battered bloody by

a death so cruel.

And as I contemplate

you turn to me

and smile

and I am blinded

by lust

and tears

and love

and then it begins to rain.