I introduce Mr. M to family members for fun. It amuses me to watch him scared. I know,I know. (favorite sadist joke:
Masochist: Hurt me.
Sadist: No.
😀 😀 ) But karma likes to laugh at me sometimes. So the other day I tell him to come over to chill with my cousins and their kid-who,by the way,just serves to remind me why it is again that I don’t want kids. We went to Maasai market,as tourists will often want to do,then came back home. Unbeknownst to us (DENDENDEEEEN),the Father Figure was rapidly making his way home. Maybe not intentionally,though. Maybe not even rapidly. I was ok with it though,because FF seldom cares about or notices things that do not directly affect him.

So my uncle comes with his wife. We walk in and my uncle gives him the third degree (I don’t know why,seeing as I introduced him as my FRIEND. So maybe he sees through my BS. Smells the same,I guess.),starting with ‘What church do you go to?’ and ‘Where did you meet my mother?’ (I’m named after my grandma)-to which he said-LOL-in town,at chess club. PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Mr. M does not play chess,nor did we meet in town,but he couldn’t very well say we met at the club,I was in a relationship and she was making out with an acquaintance,now could he? Though,that would’ve been classic. 😀

So we sit down,drinks nininini,then FF (Father Figure) walks in. Pays minimum attention to the random dude in the digz (Mr. M),offers him a cursory greeting and goes about the business of entertaining. As we’re escorting kina my uncle outside, FF goes ‘Who’s that?’ I swallow,trying to play it cool,I’m a grown-ass woman,etc,so I say ‘Oh,that’s my friend Mr. M.’ He goes,’Why were you sitting next to him the whole time?’ ‘Um…I was sitting next to Aunty,not him.’ ‘You clearly don’t know how to act in front of your elders.’ At which point I saw red,because…I mean…REALLY? LOL. Then came ‘Why aren’t you in the kitchen making dinner?’ You must understand,I’m NEVER in the kitchen. And how are those two even related?? At this point I chalked it up to FF is clearly a Man U fan and could sense that they were about to be trounced by the – trying to smother laughter,not succeeding – Wolves,and was thus spouting gibberish to his undeserving,angelic daughter.

I don’t care about football. But I need SOMETHING to explain his talking crazy. Moral of the story? BS is only useful when it’s not being flung at you. And even then,there are RULES,damnit. (refer to previous post)

tSN