Sorry guys. I’ll do a post on nice things. Soon.

Two things today:
You know when you have gotten to a point on your life when you can pick and choose which tissue you buy? Life’s too short for one-ply, etc? And you know which tissue you’ll buy on a budget, (Hanan) and which one you buy when you’re balling (that shea butter infused goodness that costs 500 for 4 rolls. In short, dear reader, I’m never balling. It’s the one that Nakumatt Mega had in stock in surplus when their shelves were empty because NO ONE was buying tissue for that price). Then there’s your regular joe.

My regular joe is Mr Fluffy. As a new entrant in the market from Interconsumer somethings, it changed my life. Why? Because 35 bob gets you a great deal. Not too rough, a la Comfy Bora, which has really pretty patterns but is trying to be premium sandpaper, and not too soft, like Phoenix – remember Phoenix? – which you’re going to use a half roll’s supply for a 10-square job. It was the perfect in between.

But I think they’ve hired someone new or something, because the texture has completely changed, and because I, in the words of Velvex, like to give my bum some love, I’ve noticed and I’m quite simply, distraught. Where do I go from here? It’s taken me ages to find perfect poop paper. These people are messing with my emotions, to be quite honest. And they thought I wouldn’t notice, like when Alison’s started rapidly getting the non-scented coconut oil off the shelves and now I can’t find it anywhere…

I almost forgot the other thing I hated today, because I take my tissue very seriously, but luckily, it’s all coming back to me now in a wave of (sedentary) rage. Why, why, oh why, must we have 1, whatsApp groups (I get the answer to this at a basic level), 2, that are for contributing to causes, on which the collector then proceeds to list the names of everyone who has contributed? I hate that. Can’t we just give money away in peace? Must everyone else be guilted into giving money as well? When you’re looking at the 15 names, as is everyone else, knowing your name isn’t there in the group of 200, what exactly is that supposed to do to your feelings of self-worth? What if it’s January? What if I can’t? Why the public naming and or shaming? It galls me to no end. WhatsApp group admins and church clerks must now date. Record keepers one side.