My child found my vibrator. “Hii ni nini?” he asked of Rodger, my rabbit. “Ni ya kuhesasize? Nitachukua nifanye nayo up-down.” You didn’t understand the second part? He wanted to exercise with the toy, and execute a number of thrusters, no pun intended.

It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I calmly took the toy and directed him to other pursuits and made a mental note to change my storage spot.

Perhaps, an introduction? I am a 32 year old separated mother of a 2 and a half year old. Yes, separated, because divorce in this country is a long and expensive process. So while I bide my time, I must find a way to cater to my needs.

I’ve always heard that dating in Nairobi is an extreme sport and wuehh! I can tell you for free, this is nothing but the gospel truth (cue the muses from Hercules). I was with the same man for 9 years though so as much as I miss being partnered, I’m not sure I want to date – at least not exclusively. Besides, the age group that I would be looking at, 28 – 45 years, are in the years where they want to start a family, where they require fidelity. Been there, done that, I’m waiting for the T-shirt (Njomo, I’m looking at you). Unless I find the unicorn man, who wants a partner who lives in a separate house, who would be open to sharing in an honest and respectful way, I’m not very hopeful.

So, where does that leave me sexually? I feel like I, alternately, am in the years where even the breeze makes me horny. A little skin, a little smile, the whiff of a masculine scent and I am roaring to go.  I hear it only gets worse in my 40s. How do I navigate this craving and need in the jungle that is Nairobi?

Casual sex is an option but for me even the briefest encounters must be based on kindness. That is a rarity in Nairobi. It’s wham, bam, so sorry that you didn’t cum, thank you ma’am. There is no duty of care that requires that you treat the other person as a human being and surely! we can’t have that. What if they catch feelings (eye roll)?

Polyamory is another option. That requires honesty and self-awareness. A painful process that most people are not brave enough to embark on. As I get older, I am more convinced that one person cannot meet all our needs. It’s actually unfair to expect it. But, we are a ‘Christian’ nation (giggles). We preach monogamy and practice unfaithfulness instead of evaluating who we really are and what we really need and seeking that in kindness and respect and responsibility.

I guess Rodger will have to do in the meantime…

– W