Thank God for neighbours.

I am a firm believer in moving near people you know. For more reasons than one, and several extra benefits:

1. If you never have food in the house, much like me, or a fridge, or an oven, then there is always somewhere to go doea, store food that is going to go bad or bake stuff on those rare occasions when you are actually baking. If they have a toaster/sandwich maker/internet, will you ever need to purchase your own? NO! #passwords #freeFreeFree #sharingIsCaring
Now, there are a few times when this should and should not be done. For example, if they have company of the hanky pank variety, call first. I discovered this the hard way. Ok, it wasn’t hard for me, it was hard for someone else – ok so what happened was, I had food in the house and no way to refrigerate it. So I took it to Otis and Jomo’s house.

Otis and Jomo live above me. We went to uni together. Then we both moved to the same area. Then I moved. Then they moved too. Right above me. Yay!
So I knocked on the door, and we always do this thing – not always, it’s not, like our neighbour THING yet, but I’m working on it – where I beatbox with their doorbell, so when Otis opens the door, he has a look on his face – a wtf kind of look – and then I wonder why – and then I see a heifer on the couch. My eyes widen because now it is too late to back down because damage has already been done and I need to think of a quick exit. See, I was going upstairs to cook, but now I can’t interrupt the mood sijui the after (or pre?) glow so I dash into the kitchen and grab a slice of pizza (see what I mean? So useful. Also, pizza is very important. See #5.) and split, #banana.
Moral of the story is, I should have asked. Because I DID call. Ok, Otis should have said, damnit. HE SHOULD HAVE SAID!
Aside: But when they’re having parties, you don’t need to call, because you’re just being a good neighbour. Visiting. Doing the rounds. #NeighbourhoodWatch. Nininini.

2. When shit hits the fan, you have someone to call. You can read about that here.

Otis is not a small guy. He’s the brain and the brawn with mass left over to spare. I should start calling him the Smart Shaq. (hehehe) If you’re not getting where I am going with this…Otis is huge. His hands cover people’s faces. Like four faces at the same time. But what he does handle very well (aside from sijui 3 women balanced on one bicep like Garcon in Beauty and the Beast, the original version) is cameras. He has a website and everything. That’s how you know it’s real.

Jomo is big but in a horizontal direction. It still serves its purpose – he can roll over your foes and roll out the jokes at the same time. He’s pretty much always laughing and has slight OCD about dirty dishes and crazy women. He used to be a rugby captain – I know, I laughed too – but he’s like super focused and like super getting back on track with the whole lean mean machine thing. As you will read in the story above, size does matter. #sizeOfBoat #motionOfOcean #baseballBats

3. That’s another thing! Living with people around you provides endless fodder for soap operas in other people’s lives, whether yours or theirs. You know gossip is always sweeter when you know WHO you’re talking about, and WHICH apartment that chick is coming from, etc. #lesMujerDeSosVidas

4. Advice. On things. People who have context in your life are much better at helping you with your life’s problems than Dr Phil or generic sites ie Twitter lol. Of course, that works two ways and you have to listen to their shit. Lol jk. GET TO listen. GET to. #noNewFriends

5. Vodka Sundays and people to changia with for Naked Pizza because they deliver in the hood now, whoop! Because every Sunday or day before a depressing day like the day in the new year where you have to go back to work (not that I know what that is anymore, but, like, if I did) deserves alcohol and alcohol is great with pizza that you don’t have to pay for all the slices for. Yes?
YES.

Are we going to live together forever? Should we get promise rings?
The plot thickens (much like Jomo’s waistline – or not, anymore) and continues.
Stay tuned for another episode of…

Here’s to neighbours.
Please don’t move.

tSN