I didn’t shave. I completely forgot that I was trying to do something nice for mankind, and so I went into my second lesson all willy-nilly, bushy-tushy. And I discovered that dancing kizomba is really hard. Why? Because it’s like having an orgasm. I’m explaining! Just chill!

So, salsa, kizomba, all those tudances, need you to completely let go of everything you know about dancing, and let the man lead you. So I am told. That is very very hard for me, and I’m not sure why. My (great and wonderfully amicable and graceful) dance teacher says it’s because I’m a control freak (I’m not a control freak, but someone is definitely a liar here). Kizomba, in particular, requires an ease of effort I know nothing about. So there’s this move called the jinga movement, which you’re supposed to incorporate into all of the kizomba moves you do. It involves a winding of the waist I’ve never been particularly good at (I only JUST learned how to twerk). I feel like a jinga doing it.

Every time I’m practicing, Dan keeps saying, ‘Let go. Let me lead.’ And I’m like cardboard, as opposed to putty, in his hands. And so, like pussy, one needs to let go completely to squirt, and get out of your head (ha!) or it’s never going to happen.

You’re welcome.

p.s. Might just try shots before class to…oh I hear how that sounds