Women get amusedly antsy when you start saying things around their boyfriends like, “Ei, na si your man is fine?” I get this. Though I am often the woman extolling his manly attributes, I (try to) only do this to my friends’ boyfriends, who I know nothing will ever happen with (because they know where I live).
However, I really do NOT understand why women are soooo touchy about friends getting with their exes. YEAH I SAID IT. The Rules/Code/Girl Law, you say? Whatever, man. (Ha! Exactly! Whatever man! Hehe) And yes, I would let/have let my friends do my exes. Sometimes, I even share. I talk like this coz I can back it up.
So here’s my argument for it.
1. Y’all broke up.
2. Y’all broke up.
3. Y’all broke up.
4. If I asked you if you were ok with it, and you said you were, and you weren’t…now whose fault is that?
5. If it’s a respectable time period after y’all broke up (instead of, you know, 2 days…but that’s another story), and you’re supposedly over dude in question…why not? And if you aren’t over dude in question, don’t tell me you are. Or clearly we’re not really friends if you’re fibbing. Hmmm…
6. Possessive? Ok. I can get that. But after like 6 years, grow up.
7. That whole oh-so-now-you’re-doing-my-leftovers thing doesn’t bother me either. Isn’t everyone someone’s leftovers?
8. Was I looking at him when y’all were together? If it was me, I most probably checked him out, but by virtue of the fact that he’s your man, a curtain goes over him. It’s like, your dad. HOWEVER. When you break up, curtain = lifted. #jussayin. Refer to Reasons 1-3.
9. I have the added benefit of already knowing that he’s not a psychotic weirdo/serial killer. Unless you broke up because he’s a psychotic weirdo/serial killer.
10. We can compare notes! It’ll be like watching a movie at different times and talking about if after…together. (cue The Rembrandts – I’ll be there for you, coz you’ve been there…too)
11. Some women have insecurities like relationships are a competition. Like oh, what can I do better than you. It’s not about what I can do better or worse. By virtue of the fact that we are not the same person, it’s what I do different. That he likes more, maybe, but that’s going to be the case with his next girl anyway.
12. Better the devil you know, right?
13. It’ll make you a better person. By seeing him with someone who you know, you won’t hate as much because we’re friends, and thus become less of a backbiting, bitter ex. Or you can hate to me, which will therefore be more constructive and you’ll feel like you’re really making a change in the world. For example, instead of
“Mmm, check out that *** Michael hooked up with.”
“She has nothing on you! Have you seen her weave? MAWE need to be informed.”
This could be
“Ah, chick, you can’t be walking around with that thing on your head. I set a standard, bana.”
“You think it’s that bad?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Ok, cool. Good looking out.”
Why can’t we just all get along?
tSN
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Question:
What if they were married and maybe had a kid? would you still hook up with him?
U always manage to crack me up…Though BintiMswahili has a valid question…hmmm?
bintimswahili has thrown a spanner in the works, as I had logged on to agree with you whole heartedly, but lakini, i can't answer that. i think if they'd been married with a child and it didn't work out, i am not sure that would something i would go for. x
@abbakidenda disaproves! Even though I just burst out laughing in the library. Maybe itis not in my place to air this in public, but watevs. First, when this DID happen to you, you sooo were not okay with it!what!? You, and any other deluded girl for that matter, sit on a throne of lies if you claim to not care when your close friends go recycling after you.
And, if you are the kind of friend who puts anyone in a spot of having to give you perm to date a friends ex, then obvs they won't say the truth.
And the babies thing..^^ and sharing STD's thing
but then again, after 6 years? to share is to care.
So,yeah,I probably wouldn't hook up with him if he had a kid with her. But only because I don't like kids,to be honest,and the fact that he had one would mean at some point I'd have to play Mommy…um…no thanks. Abba,the reason that was offensive is because you don't ask for perm 2 days after they break up,especially if you were acting like you didn't want anything with him. That's just freakin rough. Otherwise…fair game. :o)
@yvonnechy for reasons 1-5 ofcos u can n for 6 ai after 6 years even the body has developed further so he may notice..;) 7n8 are just bitter people not over it yet.the rest abbi is self justification.allowed though.
but seeing as abba has mulikad u i think we shhud say it depends on which ex are we talking about
@tSN, ROTFLMAO! Generally – being completely objective about it – methinks it all depends on how/why they broke up. If it was an amicable break-up due to perfectly sensible reasons (eg. long distances, unexpected parent-planned marriages (k, maybe not so amicable), saliva pH incompatibility etc etc) then go to town on that ass (not like the psychotic 'warrior' in boondocks though) but that hardly ever happens.
Not so generally, I wouldn't date my friend's ex coz I'm not feeling the whole Go Green campaign. In response to Leftover point #7, it's different when you don't know who ate her first…haha.
Been a victim of the coldstares. Even from girls who weren't your friends, could have been your great friends, but now are your sworn enemies just because you and their ex are… What's their problem? I don't know if I'd ever be with a pal's ex. Depends how close me and the pal are. Plus, the thing with pals, I help you bitch and rant about the guy when the relationship hits the rocks. How's it I come swallow up your puke?
But on the flip side, I know ALL his flaws, even know why the relationship hit the rocks. So perhaps I could work around this knowledge, make it work for me???
I'm with Brian on this one: In the end, you can do as you please I guess, but I think it's a touch icky. They broke up for a reason, she's your pal for a reason, you're not a stranger to their history or baggage…then there is the comparing of notes; he did this with her, he's not doing it with me; he looked at her in a certain way & he's not giving me the same look etc etc…and if their breakup was amicable & they are still tite pals, you end up with more weird messiness…
Why not fish in different ponds. It's much more fun & interesting no?
Am against 'inbreeding', leads to all sorts of unviable offspring if you know what I mean… I'm more of a One For The Team kinda person. Once my pal has had her, nothing serious would ever develop…in extreme circumstances, the most that could happen is a “mistake”. Why limit your options to domesticated devils with all sorts of variety out there waiting to be discovered??? No 'inbreeding'.
I agree with you tSn, however I agree with Nyambura and Willpress more… trouble will always find you, no point going out searching. Don't mix business with pleasure,in the same breathe don't mix friendship with pleasure 🙂 But then again mutumba business ain't going nowhere.
http://wambuiwanjuki.blogspot.com/
Glad I found this blog! Whoa! Thats a touchy subject, you must be a brave girl to air your honest views like that.
I agree with Nyambura and Brian though. That awkwardness would be too much. Plus am the kind of girl that believes that men come and go but girlfriends are forever (most of mine anyways). I wouldn't even think about a friends ex
It would depend on how tight the pal was coz it can only be one or the other. Never both. I know a chick who stole her sister's boyfriend and now they're married. With twins. Not really the same situation but it's a matter of which relationship means more to you.