No, I didn’t see one.

sigh

People, this is my confession to you today: My name is tSN, and I am not a true Kenyan. (Hi, tSN!) Why, you ask?

I have never seen a real lion, like, in the wild.

Or an elephant.

Or a cheetah.

Or a wildebeest (this word. Why is it not wildebeast??) migration (ok, I suppose that last one is stretching it a bit). But seriously! What am I doing, living in a country that boasts tourism as its largest attraction, and I haven’t been ANYWHERE? (Mombasa doesn’t count. It’s a whore of a town lol. Karachuonyo would count if anyone actually went. You want road trip? Yeah, you got it. SMH.)

And so, in an attempt to shed this cloak of uncertainty as to whether I am truly Kenyan (ha. I see many of you with those cloaks on lol) I responded to the call of nature (you know. Because we were in the park. No, really. I’m not taking the piss. Haaaaaa.) i.e. @kwskenya’s request for bloggers (which, as you, dear reader, know, I am) to go to national parks, the first being Nairobi National Park. What follows is the photo story. Whoop whoop!!

Quick couple of facts:
-Nairobi National Park is the only park located smack dab in the middle (semi-middle, fine, fine) of a capital city in the world. It has been around since 1946 (duuuuuuuude) and is 117 kilometres (am I American? Am I British?) square.
-It costs 300 to get in (250 for kids)
-A guide (which is oh so necessary, because it is oh so easy to get lost and KWS will charge you 7,500 if they have to come looking for you) costs 1,500 (see how that is sooooo much less than 7,500)
-Go in a car of maana coughfourwheeldrivecough
-The park closes at 5.
-You. Are not. Allowed. To get out of the car. Unless you are at a picnic site. (who does NOT listen to these rules? Have you ever SEEN a buffalo? -haaaa, me neither- SMH.)
-Male zebras kiss each other as a greeting! (I bet Obama supports this, woohoo :o) #yestheycan

We started off here…

Generally,I am an all-around, too cool for school kinda girl…hehe…

And if you didn’t know, now you know, that these boots were made for walking (and/or sitting in a van looking at Kenya’s wildlife)…

In the land of the free and the home of the brave! Wait, no…

And off we were! I thought the sky looked fantastic, so I…

And then, vroom, to the…

…Clubhouse. 3 guesses as to why it is called that, ha.

The clubhouse is a great place to have a wedding/wedding reception. It has great food, great service, and all the facilities are clean (I checked like I was getting married. Which, as we all know, is not too likely too soon.) This, was particularly hilarious for me. Why is that the first rule??

And, it has a gorgeeous view.

After, we went to the ivory burning site, where apparently, TONS of ivory were burnt as a message to poachers that poaching will NOT BE TOLERATED IN THIS OUR KENYA! waves fist of victory This is the hill made of the ashes of ivory…

This is me, standing on the pile like a conqueror…

This is the plaque next to said pile.

Our guide, who was oh so nice…

And the Lord said…doesn’t this just look like weather in which the Lord would say something?

Picnic site…

Bird? Plane? Giraffe?…ok, plane…

Definitely giraffe…

Among others, frolicking in the road…

And, the buffalo. Please note how I did not get close. At all. You don’t have to tell me twice not to get close to the animals, no sirree. I’m black.

Because I like it.

These boots were also made to sit in grass.

A really, really gross insect. I did not take this photos. Photographers. SMH.

breaks into Michael Jackson
‘If you’re thinking about being my baby, it don’t matter if you’re BLACK OR WHITE!!!’
Ah, I love zebras. They are too cool.
‘I seen the bright get duller. I’m not gonna spend my life bein’ a colour.’ (I am British now. Yes.)

Zebra-lovin’. Go hard or go home.

Argh! So these two ostriches that you cannot see, right, so the miro is the dude, and he’s tuning that chickdee, the kabrownbrown one, by rushaing some moves i.e. feathers. (Who loves old school? Me.) Modern day society just needs to go BACK. Or copy ostriches, I’ono.

Water buck. Word.

Yeah right, right? I’m so shady. Lol. #njarozaKICC

Pretty…

The entry to The Emakoko, a serene retreat and hideaway nestled within the leafy treetops of Nairobi National Park. (Travel brochure, thy name is tSN)

Inside the Emakoko…(rawrrrr)

And…BOOKS!!! What more could a girl ask for? Except maybe…

Flowers…

And…well…

The general space…

And then it was hometime. (Unceremonious, unceremoniousen’t it?)

:o)

Ei, I went IIIIN with these pictures.

tSN

p.s. May post more pictures. There was great stuff and not nearly enough space, spacen’t you?
p.p.s. THE TSAVO DIARIES begins next week. 😀
p.p.p.s. Avengers! I will post a spoiler post soon…
p.p.p.p.s. All photos taken with my favorite – agh! favoUrite model Thogi’s Cybershot. 😀 Except that ka-lion one, which, to be fair, I clearly stated I did not see…
p.p.p.p.s Finishen’t we?