Dudes and dudettes,a pearl of wisdom I recently re-learnt. Nothing screams unsexy more than saliva flowing from your lips in a never-ending stream of grossness.

I went to the dentist today. The dentist’s chair and I once had a torrid affair,which promptly ended once its sadistic tendencies were noticed by the genius currently writing this sentence. Ah,but it was some sweet,good old-fashioned loving. And I’m only human. Once a relationship starts going sour,it’s easier to go back to where you once were than to start looking for new prospects. And so,there I was today,once more,running to the arms of the one who once – loved? – me.

Almost immediately,we resumed our gentle flirtation,but then I quickly realized that nothing had changed. His gold-digging habits had,if possible,worsened over time. Foolishly,I sat in his arms as he caressed me with a touch colder than the ice in his eyes. I told him what brought me to his den once again,and he smiled,a sickening,false smile. He charged me exorbitantly for our conversation alone,which he contributed nothing to except that sickening,false smile.

We switched positions as he tried to draw me in again. The saliva began to flow like a faucet. I decided to ignore it,because after all,what did he matter. I was engaged (next post),not single and searching,or trying to impress him.

Then there was pain. Pain in my heart for letting this happen again,and pain on the teeth he was crudely claiming to fix. I was shocked that he was treating me this way. I bore it,but involuntarily began to whimper. He apologized,but continued. It was over before I knew it,both longer and shorter than I thought it would be. And I didn’t think it was supposed to hurt this much. Now I knew.

More exorbitant charges,and receipts. An now unoccupied wallet. An aching heart. A lesson learned. I would go back to where I knew I belonged. I would try and work it out,for empty whispers and sugary nothings did little to ease the torment in the soul that yearned for true love.

Moral of the story? Get insurance,and floss,damnit.

tSN